"FUCK!" I shouted in the apartment.
In July 2020, I started 75 Hard, a mental toughness challenge, where you have to exercise twice a day (1.5h in total), drink 4L of water, read 10 pages of a book, follow a diet of your choice and no alcohol for 75 days straight. If you miss even one of these, you have to restart the whole challenge.
Right when I was about to go brush my teeth and prepare for sleep, I remembered that I had only walked 30 min that day. This meant I still had an hour of exercise to do to complete my daily challenge!
My body stopped moving, but this is how it looked like in my head.
It was a big battle against myself.
I had to choose to either complete my challenge or go to bed.
At that specific moment, I had a huge choice to make.
For the longest time, I've always considered myself as someone that would start things, but would never be able to complete them. I would always abandon something very early in the process and for once, I was seeing the finish line for 75 Hard.
My mind was set on completing it and I told myself that I wouldn't let anyone or anything prevent me from doing so.
But at that very moment, I was THIS close to letting go.
I just drove 6h in total (we just came back from Toronto), I was exhausted, I had an early meeting the next day, it was already 11PM and I had already done more than half of the program!
I had all the excuses in the world to just tell myself, "It's okay, Alex. You'll just re-start tomorrow."
At this moment, I had the opportunity to go to sleep, but in the process, I would be killing someone.
James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, refers to these choices as decisive moments. Every day, you will have a few key moments that, depending on your decision, will determine if your day was good or bad.
But this decisive moment was particularly important because it would not impact just my day, but possibly the rest of my life.
By choosing to sleep right away, I would remain Alexander, the guy who abandons what he starts. And in the process, I would be killing my future self: Alexander, the guy that says he will do something and then does it.
Time and time again, I’ve seen this scenario play out. And every time it ends up with my future self losing.
This time, I decided it would be different.
Maybe it’s because I was tired of my present self. Maybe it’s because I didn’t want to disappoint my friend Danny, who already completed 75 hard previously and who I promised that I would complete it as well. Maybe it’s because I just wanted to prove to myself that for once, I was able to finish something.
In the end, I don’t know exactly the reason why. But I do know that I pushed myself.
After a few seconds of internal battles, which truth be told, seemed like an hour, I said "Fuck, it! Let's walk."
So I turned around, put my shoes on and headed out the door for my one hour walk.
And let me tell you - even though I knew I'd be tired in the morning, I crawled into bed with a huge smile on my face. It was one of the best nights of sleep I've ever had.
While this was my most vivid memory of 75 Hard, this is what it felt like throughout the entire program.
For 75 days, you had to consistently win all of your mental battles. Every. Single. Day.
Tired because you had a hard day at work? Get up and take a walk.
You're at your best friend's birthday party, and everyone is drinking? Grab a glass of water instead.
You're about to go to sleep, but still missing 1L of water? Chug it and wake up 2-3 times that night to pee (true story).
And that's what's hard about the challenge. It's pushing yourself to take action despite your circumstances.
But the more you’re able to take action, the more you’re going to create change and the more you’ll become your future self.
Because if you think of it, your present self and the person you want to become (your future self) are a lot closer than you think. Both selves are separated by a few decisive moments during your day.
And depending on your decision, it's either one step forward (to become your future self) or one step backwards (to remain your present self). The more you're able to make the right decision during those key moments, the more steps you will take towards your future self.
So in which direction will you take your step?
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Thanks to everyone at Writer’s Bloc, Compound Writing and from the On Deck Writer’s fellowship who helped me edit this piece.
Edit: Alright so a reader just told me that it was supposed to be 2 workouts of at least 45 min each, which means that technically I did not complete 75 Hard properly and did indeed fail. My plan was to re-do it in Spring 2021, so I’ll take this into account for next time!